Fuddland

Foolishly, I’d mentioned earlier to one of the other passengers on the bus how good the driver was: up in the mountains of Jiǔzhàigōu (九寨沟) park the winding roads were still covered in snow, yet he managed to keep a steady pace without skidding at all. I was feeling quite safe as we headed back down the [clear] mountain highway, despite it having a large number of hairpin bends and the driver deciding that his tea was almost ready and he needed to step on the gas — until he chose to overtake a wide lorry on one of the bendier bends. Overtaking means pulling out into the cliff-side lane. Wide lorry. Cliff-side lane. Bend in the road. Brown-trousers time, to say the least.

The lorry was as far over to the right as it could manage without veering into the drainage ditch, but it wasn’t quite far enough, and — luckily — our driver didn’t fancy careering over the edge of the cliff, so instead the side of our bus scraped along the lorry, ripping off its wing mirror and front bumper.

When vehicles collide in China — and they everso-frequently do — even with relatively minor damage, they simply stop dead in their tracks. None of this polite pulling over to the side of the road to allow other vehicles to pass by [with an obligatory rubber-necking, of course] — the vehicles involved won’t budge until the shouty-shouty is over with and all the blame has been assigned [and, especially if somebody is a driver by trade and doesn’t want to lose his job, an appropriate wad of cash has been handed over to keep schtum].

Thus, we sat waiting in the bus, blocking oncoming traffic, whilst our driver, the lorry driver and several thousand other drivers from the other vehicles, inspected the damage to the lorry [blocking the other lane]. Whilst the lorry driver was ranting and, seemingly, saying the same things over and over [“I couldn’t pull over any further! Look at my mirror! Look at my bumper! I was as far over as I could go! My mirror! My bumper!” etc.], our own driver had adopted the other stance that seems to be popular amongst Chinese drivers: the impassive-faced, silent, I-know-it-was-my-fault-but-I’m-saying-nothing look.

[I’ve seen a moped crash into the back of another stopped at traffic lights, and the driver at fault simply stared at his victim without even a single word of apology, as if to say, “Look, it was bound to happen sooner or later.” Likewise, the crashee looked back and intimated, “Actually this happens all the time, I’m used to it. Still quite annoying though.”]

Eventually some rope was found, the bumper was secured, our driver doled out a couple of hundred yuan, and we were on our way, but not before the coolest man I have even seen crept through the gap between our bus and the lorry on his motorbike-cum-trailer, clearly not caring one jot about the drama he was passing by — or perhaps he knew his companion would fill him in later.

Those enormous gloves attached to the handlebars are fantastic. I want some, even if I don’t have actually a bike to put them on.

#1

Wurly | 2007 / 03 / 21 – 18:04

ha ha…. love your Stories. I love seeing these accidents here in China - gives us a chance to stare back at everyone else for a change…

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