Fuddland

I received a letter from the Royal Mail today, which opened like this:

Dear Sir/Madam:

I have been contacted by Online Rentals Ltd about an item of mail containing mail order goods, which are described as a postman the, which was sent to you on 31 August 2004.

As I read this, a number of things crossed my mind, such as:

• Erm, who are Online Rentals Ltd? I’ve never heard of them, so them thinking I’ve ordered some goods is a tad worrying.

• If I did order from them and the goods were sent at the end of August last year, isn’t eight months a rather long time to wait to investigate their disappearance?

• What the heck is that middle part of the sentence really trying to say? “…described as a postman the…”? Surely that’s got to be some kind of mega-typo?

Thankfully Google shed some light on the matter. Online Rentals Ltd is an umbrella company which incorporates LOVEFiLM, of which I am a member, so at least I know someone hasn’t ordered goods on my behalf. Checking back through my old emails, I did indeed report that a DVD they’d sent me hadn’t arrived way back in August last year. And the name of the film was The Postman! Aah, the irony… [I know it’s not really ironic. It’s more like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife.] If only the letter had said,

I have been contacted by Online Rentals Ltd about an item of mail containing mail order goods, which are described as a “Postman, The”, which was sent to you on 31 August 2004.

The addition of a couple of quotation marks and a comma might have meant I was a little less confused and could have made the right connections straight away, once I’d realised I hadn’t ordered an actual postman, but a DVD entitled with that entitle. It still doesn’t explain the eight-month gap between reporting the disc missing and the beginning of the investigation, but I can’t know for sure who’s been slow, LOVEFiLM or the Royal Mail [but if I had to guess, I’d say it was the latter].

Anyway, I’ve duly ticked the box which says “No, it hasn’t turned up in the intervening 247 days” and sent it back. And it’s reminded me that I’ve still not seen that film.

#1

Kav | 2005 / 05 / 06 – 09:45

I hear it’s a pile of poo anyway, so not to worry.

#2

Lyle | 2005 / 05 / 07 – 18:49

Yeah, you’ve not missed owt.

Nice to see that Royal Snail are still as efficient as ever though.

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