Fuddland

I’ve had better Saturday nights.

Walking back home along a quiet and dimly-lit pedestrianised street from a friend’s birthday bash in town, I was accosted by two blokes with the old, “You got the time, mate?”, quickly followed by, “Give me everything you’ve got.” They had obviously read the Muggers’ Handbook cover-to-cover and were following Classic Scenario ‘A’ [“Four fists are better than two”] to the letter. Having not read it myself, I was unsure of my next line, but opted for something along the lines of “No,” which earnt me a smack in the jaw. Clearly not the correct response.

They took my cash, my ‘phone, two credit cards and a debit card, but I managed to keep hold of the wallet itself [a present from my sister]. Next they wanted my PINs so they could withdraw cash. Actually, first they told me I was going to go with them to a cash machine and withdraw the money [this was needlessly emphasised with another punch in the face]. I said I wasn’t going to do that, but I would tell them the PINs instead. Possibly rather dumbstruck that they actually agreed to this plan, I forgot to make up random numbers and instead told them the correct ones. But really I was more concerned with getting them to go away without hitting me again, and giving them the proper numbers seemed like the best way to do this.

Off they went and off I sprinted, up to where I knew there was a phonebox to call my Card Protection Company and cancel the cards as soon as possible. Unfortunately I wasn’t quick enough [there was a cash machine right down the road from where they stopped me] and they’ve taken about £350 in total. They also tried to use a credit card in a shop a couple of hours later but by then everything was blocked. Once I’d walked home I called Orange and got the ‘phone blocked cross-network, although I’m not sure if there are tools out there which can get around this. Then I strolled to the police station just down the road to report the incident and get a crime number for the insurance people.

Hopefully I won’t be liable for the stolen cash, and my replacement cards will arrive soon. I fear that getting my ‘phone replaced will be a lengthier process, involving copies of the police report being sent to the administrators along with my claim form, and them sending said paperwork back with a Post-It attached saying “Claim void because, er … hang on, we’ll find something amiss. Just give us another week…”

In the meantime I shall be studying Mark’s defensive tactics so I am better prepared next time.

The following are entries which follows on from the above:

1. Statement [Fuddland]. Excerpt: About two-and-a-half hours to make a statement about an incident that took less than five minutes is impressive. But that's in no way an indictment of police work in general nor of the officer who came round yesterday evening. The...

2. Dial 1-800-MUGGER [Fuddland]. Excerpt: I couldn't quite believe it when I received my mobile 'phone bill the other day: the geniuses that mugged me used my 'phone before I had it blocked. They made two calls, lasting a total of a minute and a...

#1

Gordon | 2005 / 04 / 17 – 16:21

Crap - that’s an awful experience. Sorry to hear that mate, hope you can get everything sorted out.

#2

Lucy | 2005 / 04 / 17 – 18:36

Ooooooh… .

Big Hug.

#3

clair | 2005 / 04 / 17 – 22:51

Mark’s defensive tactics are definately the way to go. Particularly fond of the second example of exploiting a bloggers weak spot…

#4

Lyle | 2005 / 04 / 18 – 10:39

Not nice - but a better outcome than it could’ve been.

Many sympathies, and I hope that the banks etc. turn out to be at least slightly human on this occasion.

#5

mrtn | 2005 / 04 / 18 – 12:20

er, yeah, that sucks big time. big hugs too (but obviously in a manly, totally straight way… ;) )

#6

Jann | 2005 / 04 / 18 – 15:12

Mate, I’m really sorry, although I feel ought to point out, it wasn’t me.

Honest.

Much manly back-slapping and deep-voiced banter about how you really kicked their arses but wrote the story like this to show your sensitive, vulnerable side to the laydees…

#7

Kav | 2005 / 04 / 18 – 15:32

Damn, I thought this post was definitely porn related…

Hope that you are feeling better today, mate. If you do fancy taking up my offer to go stalking the bastards I’ll bring a few friends. Have you ever met my friend Wook? ;-)

#8

Daisy | 2005 / 04 / 18 – 15:33

Bloody hell, I’m glad you’re okay - sounds like you handled it the best way possible in the circumstances. If you have any problems with the police report/insurance people let me know, Martyn dealt with this a lot in his last two years as a copper and he’d be more than happy to help.

#9

felicity | 2005 / 04 / 18 – 15:55

David mate. You did the right thing. Hope that the bank credit you back with the money they took. Big hugs from here as well.

#10

David | 2005 / 04 / 18 – 17:30

Re everyone: thanks very much for the kind words, hugs, and offers of vigilante justice. I’m doing fine. :)

#11

highrise | 2005 / 04 / 18 – 18:31

Good grief - glad you are okay.

#12

Cathy | 2005 / 04 / 20 – 13:28

Sheesh, I’m sorry to hear that :-( Hope you manage to reclaim your money and phone eventually - smart thinking on dashing up to cancel your cards, if it were me I think I’d have been too shaken to even think of such a thing :-)

Glad to hear you’re okay though.

#13

David | 2005 / 04 / 20 – 13:52

Re #11 & #12: Thanks you two. Just a shame I didn’t manage to cancel the cards in time, and as the lovely PC who came to take my statement gently reminded me, my first call should really have been 999 — the villains were still in the general area so there’s a good chance they’d have been caught there and then. Lesson learnt.

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